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Your boxers would make a great black flag...
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| (no subject) |
[Jan. 28th, 2004|11:27 pm] |
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new journa, check your user info to see if you've been added, if you want to be added lemme know im too lazy to make any real effort at this shit |
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| (no subject) |
[Jan. 27th, 2004|01:52 am] |
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I have no desire to come back in July. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jan. 27th, 2004|12:28 am] |
FoxRunner22 (12:11:44 AM): hey i was just thinking about your whole situation
FoxRunner22 (12:11:55 AM): and id thought id give you my unwanted opinion
FoxRunner22 (12:12:01 AM): i meen i really want you to come with us
FoxRunner22 (12:12:39 AM): but if your realy trying hard to decide and if something is making you think you want to stay here i think you should
FoxRunner22 (12:13:17 AM): i meen youve wanted to leave for as long as ive known you and if something can make you change your mind like that you should stay
Chris just made the most blatant point I've been missing, I say no one understands how much it means that I would consider staying for osmeone, but he just screamed it at me.
Of course its still not entirley happy.
I just keep thinking how my mother said she buy me a bus ticket if I hung back and was really unhappy.
Fuck me. I need to stop writing in here. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jan. 26th, 2004|10:01 pm] |
Tonight has not been the best night. I finally got around to talking to Tulsa about things (girl talk in her bathroom while Chris listened to AM! on her bed). I asked her what I needed to ask her and I'm not sure whether I wanted or didnt want the repsonse I got. Of course when I thought I was going to get the other one it made me hurt. I dont really know. I talked to Tulsa for a while and nothing was really established except for a few things. Well I guess things were established then. Tulsa took a pretty picture of me and her and wrote "I love Melissa dont leave!" on it. We talked about that a lot to.
I'm not sure anymore about much. I'm terrified of everything right now because I'm debating not leaving, but hanging back in Baltimore for the summer. Even so much as saing that scares me, that there is something that makes me consider staying. I dont think many people realize how relevant that is. Tulsa does, sort of. Becca does. I dont know what to do, I have so much to think about and no time. I tried talking to my mom about it tonight, because this is honestly a serious desiicon. Whther I stay in town or leave it for like a year???? That means something theres a lot of weight on this.
I cant just wait, becuase if I leave then I'm leaving with Rez and Chris and they are waiting for me to be able to go on the 19th. If i dont leave, then they can leave on the third. Its not fair for me to make them wait until the 19th and then decide that I'm staying. I dont know
Im just really really scared and sad.
I just told Chris to give me three days to decide if I'm leaving or staying.
Someone help me. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jan. 26th, 2004|11:50 am] |
Ferg and Simon I will fix it later I dont feel like it right now.
I'm up before noon. Its been a while. NCOR kicked the shit out of me. I know a lot of kids simliar to me, dont really enjoy that kind of thing. The majority of kids present were not crusty kids but more indy to be honest with the garunteed class of traveler and Crime Thinc elitist crust. Oh how we love Crime Thinc.
I love learning. I abosorb it and if possible I'd have been at every workshop available. Instead a select six or eight got my attnetion and presence at a desk or table or floor space in one of the available college rooms. Lounging on the couches by the cafeteria was always nice. A large room full of people there for the same reasons as me.
Sad I had to leave before I could say goodbye to Ryan and Will. Sad I didnt even get to find Atalanta all weekened. Sadder I had to leave before I could say goodbye to Magpie. I still hate calling him that. I made him promise to make sure we said goodbye this time, and then I was the one who ran off too soon. Its upsetting. But I had to leae when I had to leave. Nothing against Pete, I am more than grateful for him driving us to and back from DC and I really hope they enjoyed themselves at least a little bit, tho he was the only one out of that group I think who actually had any interest in attending. Can't blame them, if I was working on a hangover or few hours of sleep I'd have been quite moody. They handled it better than I ever would have.
And so Will, Ryan and Magpie are gone.... again. And no Im still not used to it. This time was odder because I wont be waiting for them to get back. I'll be leaving.
I think its safe to say theres around five inches of snow on the ground. Not the ten they had called and I had hoped for, but enough to leave Kevin home from school and keep the family at bay at work. Presently Rez is asleep in my bed and yes the novelety has worn, Chris on the floor and Jake on the couch. His ride never showed up last night and what were we supposed to do? Kick him out into five inches of snow with a smile and good luck? I dont think so.
I had hoped they woudlnt stay up too late, but Chris and Rez didnt come to bed until around five and I'm assuming the sae for Jake, who coughed his lungs out all night long. They got kind of loud last night, I guess without moteration, and I heard David going downstairs and yell at them. Understandable, but amusing as how Bob and his friends do the ame thing every single night and never get more thana please or a phone call. David loves his power trips and utilizes "his household" as much as he possible can. He also wouldnt have done it if I hadn't been asleep. Because I call him on it to his face when he goes off like this, I dont take the shit from him or anone else, not since the event with Zoe a while back. Zoe who was about one tenth of Davids size if that.
And so currently as much as I'd love to lay on the couch with a blanket and a movie, Jake is asleep (maybe not he asked the time about ten minutes ago) and I can't. I can't lounge in my room and wait patiently because Rez and Chris are asleep. I love them all and I'm not exactly tired of them so much I just need to move freely around my house and sleep in my underwear. :) Not something safe to do with Rez in the room. Heh. Yeah anyway....
So as the boys who managed to stay awake until five in the morning on eight hours of sleep over three days of traveling from Baltimore to Dc and back again numerous times, hangovers, fighting, long drives, snowballs, dirty punks, non-exsistance vegan tacos and goodbyes...... as they stir and drive me crazy as they do.... I sit confined to this damn computer.
I guess its time to work on a write up for the womans group, now that I have time. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jan. 25th, 2004|06:05 pm] |
I have still yet to listen to this message Dom left on my machine for my birthday. Heh, my mom told me tonight he sounds hot for me. Dom is hot for me. Oh he is he is he is. ;) Love you Dom.
NCOR was beautiful. I love the beatuiful people and the crusties and the random people I promise I"ll hang out with at the Church we'd be staying at and then remember that I promised some kids I'd hang out with them at the Baltimore 2am show.
And so after a full night of not sleeping, sitting in on some beautiful lectures, falling asleep in the doorway of a lecture with Rez and Christa and then waking up to the classroom being full of people, falling asleep during Anarchy 101: A history of anarchy, feeling like complete shit, Rez and I arrive home around eight at night and sleep until ten at night when we get up and go to the 2am show.
Of course when we get there everyone is fucking trashed. Being as it was a Brew Not Bombs event. However, my god were they fucking trashed. It was beautiful. I must have looked real sober cos Mindy walked up and handed me a boh and became my hero of thenight.
Thank you thank you thank you.
So I killed the boh and my last bit of wine and blah blah blah hung out one thing led to another and I was going back to Nick and Tess and Eddys with such people as Pete, Sam, Rez, Seaballs, Dave and Hilary. Hung out there got real drunk watched movies slept a few hours and got up and did the NCOR thing all over again.
NOthing special about this weekend really to say, just some things you have to nkow. When this is waht the world means to you then these weekends where you cant say too much about it, but mean the most to you, are what they are.
Tho falling asleep on a very comofrtable boy listening to Against Me! with a car full of rad people driving in the snow is always fun.
More later I guess maybe possible. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jan. 24th, 2004|05:43 am] |
If I went to sleep now I could sleep for about fifteen to eighteen minutes before my alarm would go off. Add a half an hour to that and we would be at the library meeting Stella. I'm worried that she's not going to drive now though because of all the fucking snow on the ground. If she cant however, I guess Rez and Chris and I will just take the light rail with Sam and Kd.
NCOR here I come right?
I have to remember to pack the organic wine, my sleeping bag, extra socks, and then I'll have room for things like literature which I will aquire in DC and have been told to aquire for Scotty. I love him I'm so glad I saw him tonight, even though he licked my face..... hmm..
Speaking of licking my face, Rez totally molested me in bed tonight.... well mostly my ear but whatever.
Its really fucking depressing when you realize that the one girl you thought you could relate most to in your scene or community, you are fucking nothing like. I've gone through this before. Its real depressing. I often say that I dont hang out much with girls, in honestly, I do han gout with girls. I dont hang out with them one on one and connect with them the way I do to the boys though. And the more and more and more I start to hang out with the girls, the less I like them. THhe more I hate them. I dont even dislike them. I see so much fraud in who they are and so much fucking shine on them. Fronting or looking as one thing and being a completley different person and not understanding when others dont want anything to do with them because of it.
There is so much fucking bullshit and backwards people in this place. I'm so fucking sick of it.I used to think that Towson was amazing, I dont mean the Towson that people see I mean the Towson you have to know. You have to know the right spots and people and places or else Towson isnt shit. And boy do I know the right people. The most amazing incredible people and I would die for them. Its taken me nearly four years to see a lot of this, but fuck I hate this place sometimes.
People just arnet who they pretend to be. And they dont even pretend well anymore. No one seems to care anymore. and fuck your bullshit excuses like its winter depression. There are only a few people who stay the same. A few fucking people. A few people who arent fishing for anything or playing it off like they are one thing when they arnet. I'm just so tired of all the underlying emotions and alternative plans. No one means anything around here and I dont who the fuck is who they say they are and who isnt.
No actually I do.
But the girls.... I just can't stand them. I can't think of one girl off the top of my head who doesnt play around somehow. Well thats not true, there are Alex and Chrisa and those those more than select few. But I dont even get to hang out with them anymore.
I just dont udnerstnad how suddenly everyone is lyig to everyone to make someone angry or jealous or to avoid hurting someone who is fucking going to fid out anyway. I'm fucking sick of it. Is it fun for you????? What the fuck do you get out of this??
I'm so tired of all this bullshit. Chris, Rez and I are going to become recluses and just avoid everyone for the next mont h that we are still here.
Sam and Kd are here, we go tot fitgure this Dc thing out. IF stella cant drive i really hope I can find a way back from Dc to the show in bmore tnoight. I woudlnt mind going to the this bike is a pipe bomb show in Dc but I have people I'd like to see in Bmore.
Fuck. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jan. 24th, 2004|12:52 am] |
Tired of all of it. I dont feel right in this group anymore. My hand says never get up but I'm tired of playing.
I need to spent some quality time with Aylex.
And people not of Towson.
Tulsa, Candance, Bel Air????
Fucking tired of it.
NCOR tomorrow have to get up in a few hours. Tired of it. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jan. 23rd, 2004|03:27 pm] |
So we've possibly found a fourth... his name is Pete, he's good at shop lifting, he's got a cool car and he wants to come along.
I hope he decides to go for it.
Tonight Rez, Chris and I did matching tattoos, the hobo sign for dont give up. Chris also got the hobo sign for go on his other hand. They turned out well. Rez did Chris's, half of mine, and I did Rez's. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jan. 22nd, 2004|06:57 pm] |
Chris says hes going to kill me and live in my room..."duh". My mom offered tonight to let Rez and Chris stay while I went out to dinner with Ryan and Will. How cute. Will gave me an adorable stash box for my birthday I love it. It rules all. My mom also bought me a new toy today, its a rig knife on a rope and its hot as hell. Rez Chris and I are waiting patiently for Ryan to get his ass in gear so we can all go eat at Indonesia House. I'm treating. 30 dollars and curry tofu to be had. Rez and Chris live here. No doubt. Chris really does kind of live here and Rez just never goes home. Ah well. The reason Ryan is taking so long is because "I have to record"... stupid rockstar. He did bring CD's over to my party last night so I got a copy of the new one even tho I had the bootleg and I got a copy of his Live in Portland cd. Heh, Ryan Harveys live CD. What a jerk. He just imed me. Im real bored so I'm doing comentary.
My hands are so filthy, its odd. Dirt and pearls. Last night Kt brought me a bottle of wine, my ma brought me abottle of wine, Brenden and Ryan brought me a bottle of organic blush wine, Abby and Ruthie brought me a 40oz of Boh, Ferris brought me a male gay porn magazine in a empty box of wine, Mugzy bruised the fuck out of me for my birthday, Laura got me a hat and random other things from people.
I dont want I'm doing. Rez is mumbling something to me but I can't hear it. Chris is making potatoes and coffee. We passed out last night watchig Foxfire. I made it to he scene where the get naked in the squat and give each other tattoos but then I lost interest. ;) I'm such a good little chavuinist, Megan taught me well.
So indeed, I am killing time with a stupid journal entry while talking to Dom and Ryan. My resident rockstars. Bleh. I'm going to go listen to this supposed message Dom left on my machine last night telling me how asesome I am....
I'm not quite sure it exsists.
RYAN HURRY THE FUCK UP I WANT CURRY TOFU |
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| (no subject) |
[Jan. 22nd, 2004|04:12 am] |
Its weird that I got on my computer and the backround was this picture that Seaballs drew... I had that as my backround a few days ago but recently c hanged it to a gorgeous picture of someoen walking the plank off a pirate ship. Not an animated picture a fucking beautiful picture. So then I log on today and its the old seaballs picture, and then I close something and its the new pictures.
Bleh.
Sobering up. REz and I are goig to fix that. Chris is being a bitch and not drinking.
Birthday lovin is the best.
Oh, Wendy totally got me a pirate sword for my birthday. I love her. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jan. 22nd, 2004|02:29 am] |
Birthday = friend sbringing bottles of wine = drunk melissa = falling over = after party party at lauras = wine wine wine wine wine wine wine wine wine wine win weinw einw eiwn ew ne
rez is mocking my typing skills
Got real drunk hung out with mad poeple go tyelled at for leaving my own after party party early but im wasted im at my hous with rez and chris and simon this updat eis for you.
oh yeah, hey you, yeah you, yuo know who im talking about, thanks for calling me tonight. it was awesome, great conversation. only not really cos you didnt call. :(
Just kidding.
Sort of.
Lets make plans alright? Dont cop out or I wll cry and cop out on your show.
Only not really. |
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| Hahahaha |
[Jan. 21st, 2004|05:23 pm] |
VictimsRollCall (4:27:43 PM): i heard its your birthday bitch....
Auto response from VictimsRollCall (4:27:44 PM): Its my mother fucking birthday...
Cell is not working call me at 410-821-1056 or 410-371-0130
VictimsRollCall (4:28:01 PM): may you crust up crumble to pieces
VictimsRollCall (4:28:04 PM): have good one
VictimsRollCall signed off at 4:58:01 PM.
good ole matt warfield..... what a bitch. |
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| Happy birthday to me! |
[Jan. 21st, 2004|04:00 pm] |
Thanks to everyone called me today or wished me a happy birthday in LJ or wherever else. I woke up to so many messages and phone calls.
I love you guys.
savexthexghetto (7:49:11 AM): happy birthday, mel. may you finally be able to start living the life you always dreamed. <3 steph
Thank you baby!!!!
Atalanta even called and wished me happy birthday. I love getting calls and seeing they are from out of the state. Its the guessing game of who its goig to be. Ferg called Simon last night and there were like 15 people there and he talked to all of us, that fucking ruled.
Rez and I had sloppy birthday sex. ;)
Now a few kids are here watching bad movies, Rez is in the shower and then Rez and I are going shopping with my ma and grandma and then out to dinner with my family and then back here to pizzarty.
My cell phone minutes are gone. If you want to call me call either 410-371-0130 or 410-821-1056. If you promised you would hang out with me today you had better fucking hang out with me!
I love having birhtdays. Ohmagyd I have to pee so bad Rez had better get out the shower. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jan. 21st, 2004|02:27 am] |
Its my mother fucking birthday and I'm covered in finger paint and going to the diner with Chris and Rez.
And if Mugzy, Ferris, or KT ask.... yeah I did get my birthday sex from Rez.
FUCK YOU
Call me and tell me you love me. 443.421.6445 |
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| (no subject) |
[Jan. 21st, 2004|12:16 am] |
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| (no subject) |
[Jan. 20th, 2004|06:08 pm] |
I was having a really good dream last night about someone who shall remain nameless, nothing sexual get yor mind out the gutter. Just a really nice happy content dream.
And then I woke up REz....
sigh. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jan. 20th, 2004|06:26 am] |
Last update I swear it.
It would be cool if everyone who possily could would call me on my birthday 443.421.6445 find out where I am and come visit me.
They should bring the following:
a moose (I love moose)
a pirate ship (the big kind)
no news of death
wine
wine
cheap red wine
cheap cheap red wine
presents!
their company
I'm really just joking about the presents thing, but I do want to hang out with people and its my birthday and I'm leaving town again.
I'mnot so much joking about the moose.
Gnite, Im off to read under the black flag and try to sleep. Rez and Will are probably going to show up soon. |
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